So, I was thinking about rock, paper, scissors today. Yes, of course the game. But yet, more than just the game. That which lies at the heart of the game. For it is not just a way to decide who has to do the unpleasant chores, or to decide who will be the one to charge the dragon. No, it shows something about the heart of who we are. We are asked to choose, in three seconds, our weapon of choice. We do not realise it, but each of the three displays something about ourselves. As this sort of 'what your eyes/hair/starsign/fingerprint/favourite colour say about you' thing seems to be popular at the moment (or so my Facebook Newsfeed tells me) I thought I would do that for this game. Now, are you sitting comfortably? Alright, I will count down to one, then form whichever one you chose instincively. Yes, you are playing rock, paper, scissors against yourself/your computer screen. Deal with it.
3
2
1
Ok, have you chosen? Right, now look below. Because your entire life and future will totally become clearer as a result of this. Because that's how these things work, apparently.
The Rock
Now, this is a fairly obvious one to start off with. It is the dependence on blunt force, that deep primal instinct which, when confronted with an aggressor, instinctively responds with that well known and wonderful phrase "HIT IT IN THE FACE!" People will look to you for protection, and possibly even leadership, because you are the guy who stands up and makes the dramatic speech. Think of Enjolras from Les Miserables (I do. A lot...) You don't really know how to back down, you definitely don't understand the word 'surrender' and will fight to your dying breath for your friends!
The Scissors
So, you're kind of sneaky then, are you? Not one for the "HIT IT IN THE FACE!" tactic, you will let your team mate get fried trying to hit the dragon in the face, using the distraction of their stupidity to sneak around behind the dragon and stab it in the back. Although, I hope you're using something larger than a normal pair of scissors. Or you might just be as stupid as your straightforward, boulder-wielding friend. Although, if you had the plan your way, of course, you would wait for the dragon to go to sleep before sneaking in and stabbing it, with your (hopefully really big) pair of scissors/sword (the sword is always the better choice. Trust me on this) You don't really care about the 'good of the people' like Rock, but are loyal to your friends, usually. Unless they annoy you. Or there's a dragon in the mix. You have to balance your desire for sneakiness with your craving for recognition. You want people to think you are cool, but try to act distant.
The Paper
Well, most people would underestimate you. You aren't shiny, like Scissors, after all.You have no defenses and fall apart when confronted with a little puddle to cross. Compared to Scissors and Rock, you seem like a bit of a wimp... Wait, what's that? While Scissors and Rock were playing around with the dragon, you cleaned out all of its loot, bought half of Asia, and my very identity... That's not fair! (you also left little notes all around my house which will make me more and more paranoid until I break down and become your willing minion with the condition that you protect me from the Dark) You fight for youself and no one else, and are willing for people to look down on you and despise you for being 'weak' as you know you only have to wait, then they will come crawling back. Or at least, until you get your revenge and sue them for everything they're worth. Or frame them for some crime.
Final notes
Be aware, having now read this, you have had rock, paper, scissors ruined for you forever. Next time you play, you will not be able to play the strategies you usually use, or just trust to luck, but instead will be sucked into a vortex of trying to psychoanalyse your own choice, and those of the other players. And then you will be the one sent into the dragon's den to kill it. Future-me, I am so very, very sorry. Or would be if I hadn't just played an imaginary game of rock, paper, scissors with you, and had chosen paper.
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