Looking for a job feels
like moving through treacle. But this is no everyday, run of the
mill, up to the knees treacle. Oh no, this is treacle of such volume
that you are swimming in the stuff. You are deep under water... under
treacle. Whatever. You can't even tell which way is up anymore. You
might be swimming further down. 'Oh no' I hear you cry. 'None of the
treacle got in my hair did it?' My dear, there is treacle everywhere.
Everywhere. So when you do make your way to the surface, a horrific
treacle monster, arising for the deep, drawn up by the clarion cry of
'We would like to interview you...' you reach out a treacle covered
hand for them to shake, look deep in their eyes and you see their
treaclephobia. Their hatred or disregard of the entreacled. You see a
thousand echoes of 'Well I
was never entreacled. They should have tried harder' and you know
they have forgotten. They were once one of the treacle sisterhood.
They all were. No matter how hard they try to hide it.
And
people throw you ropes. But some of the ropes are also made of
treacle and as they melt into the waves you hear them whisper
'unpaid internship' 'do it for the experience' 'maybe if you changed
the font on your CV...' The recently escaped from the treacle, and some
who still understand are helpful, but they are on tiny islands in the
treacle quagmire and have no room for you, they hold you above the
surface and let you breath for a bit, but you are terrified of
dragging them back in and eventually have to dive back in.
Sometimes
you hear people from the distant islands of the safely employed
muttering about how much they love treacle and they wish they had
more time to indulge and that those still in it are lucky and can do
everything they want. But you don't hear it for long, because you are
suddenly attacked by the treacle sharks and have to fend them off
with treacley hands
And
sometimes you meet fellow inmates of the treaclesphere and you hold
on to each other and help each other move through the sticky murky
gloop but one by one they find their own islands and you are left there, still wondering if there is an island for you in the world, or if treacle is your future and maybe you should just accept that and give up now...
And
all you can dream about is getting the most dull, filing, data entry
job that will mean showering off the treacle and being free to move
again and- OH NO! THE TREACLE SQUID HAS AWOKEN! IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME,
SAVE YOURSELVES!
