Hello. Yes, you can't read this, because you no longer exist. This is something that makes me and, no doubt future-me as well, very happy. 'Why?' I hear you ask pathetically. Do I really have to explain it to you? You embarass us both. We are cool, intelligent and awesome people. You...try, we know you do, and that makes you a bit loveable, but when we look back at the old photos of you (not of us. No one as cool as present-me or future-me would wear...That...) we cannot help but feel embarrassed that we have all inhabited the same body.
Now, you have done some cool things. Going to Hawaii was good, although you didn't really get the 'beach clothes means no sleeves' thing. That's okay. Present-me still has a bit of an issue with the no-sleeves thing, but no doubt future-me will have it sorted. You also went to Japan. Nice work! You have also made some amazing friends who me and future-me get to have the pleasure of hanging out with, so thanks for that.
But why, oh why, did you never think in the slightest about clothes, and fashion and how to look pretty. Did you assume it happened naturally to some people and others it was a lost cause, so why try to bother? Actually, I know that you believed that. You also didn't know how to go about finding out how to put an outfit together or anything like that, so we can't hold that against you. Although surely even you must have realised that brushing your hair was more than just a luxury. Granted, you were pre-puberty, but still.
Also, the expressions you pull in photos? You are not a natural smiler. Little smiles were fine, but big smiles were never something you displayed on a regular basis unless there was a camera involved. Actually, it didn't help that you kind of knew smiling for cameras was uncomfortable and awkward, but the person with the camera always made you do so. I guess it's not really fair to blame that on you. You had practised small smiles in mirrors so you knew you wouldn't look like an idiot, but camera-people always bulldozed that plan and managed to make you look like you were terrified, or high.
Actually, when I think about it, I just feel kind of sorry for you, past-me. You get hated on a lot by present-me and future-me, but you were trying, and it's because you tried so hard, and every time you fell, you got up and carried on that me and future-me can reap the benefits. 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step' as the Chinese proverb says, and thanks to you making that step, me and future-me are not still sat at the start of the road whining about how far there is to go. We have the awesome friends you provided us. We have the grades you worked for. We have the cool memories and souveniers from the fun places you went to, and it's because of you that we finally get fashion, a little bit. So thank you, I guess. And sorry for hating on you so much. If we ever were to meet, I would give you a big hug and a crash course on appropriate clothes and how not to be terrified of talking to people. Of course, being so shy and scared of the world as you were, you would probably freak out. But it's better than the slap upside the head I was planning to give you before this letter.
Hugs =>.<=
Azurite/Hazel
Wednesday 26 January 2011
Saturday 22 January 2011
The Plum Wine Explanation of Japanese Students
So, I have become aware that the people I have sent this blog link to have actually read it. This means I actually have readers. Hello! Not that many of you have accounts, so I doubt that you will be commenting. Ah well. Still, I have to apologize, future-me. From now on it looks like I will not merely be addressing you, but also my beloved, if somewhat mute, readers *sends love to everyone, including future-me. Especially future-me.*
So yes. I study Japanese. I am in second year and currently dying, hence me wasting time so gloriously by writing a blog. Second year Japanese at SOAS includes a wonderful test of super shiny joy in last January, early February which will determine which university we get to go to for our year out next year. This is an issue. Why, you might ask? Well, because the people who are best in the year get first choice and so on. Ah, but surely, all one has to do is study, no?
Ha. Let me explain. Most of us second years have actually been at SOAS for a full year already, having only started learning Japanese when we started at SOAS. Then, there are those of us who joined SOAS as freshers this year, but studied Japanese at GCSE level and A level. This means they are Too Good For First Year, and got to join us in the big, growned up peoples class. It also means they are better than this. 'But how can this be?' I hear you ask. Or would. If you had accounts. And commented. Yeah... *feels crushingly lonely for a moment* moving on!
So to explain/rationalise to myself and others how we are working horrifically hard and managing to pass and the new intakes are getting constant 80% marks, I came up with this little analogy. There is a type of wine which exists in Taiwan, and probably other parts of Asia. It is rice wine, but not just any rice wine. In it, you put a sour plum which after a little while flavours the whole wine. Now, the new intake students are a jug of rice wine to which the plum was added over half an hour before the meal. Now, the wine is all nicely flavoured and would get 'thumbs up' from the judges. The rest of us are jugs of rice wine that have just been put on the table, and as people sat down, the plum was added. There are bits of the wine that taste vaguely like plum. There is one bit that tastes horrifically of sourness and plum (that would be the plum) but most of it has a vague hint of a promise of future-plum. That's us. Plain, boring rice wine. The plus to this analogy is that both studying Japanese and being full of rice wine make you so brain dead you can't even think straight about thinking straight. The downside to this analogy is that it's very long, complex and makes me want rice wine (Japanese version is called sake, pronounced sah-kay)
In further news, I was 'accused' of making a ;S face today. Being me, of course, I went 'huh?' Only to realise I was making it again. Yes, this face is possible in real life. Try it. Right now. One eye, preferably the right closes slightly, in confusion. Raising eyebrows may help with this. Mouth twists. Full S is not possible without intervention of the fingers. Head tips to the right for maximum effect. And I really hope that this will spread across the land and all will come to know and recognise the ';S' face. Then my joy would be complete.
So yes. I study Japanese. I am in second year and currently dying, hence me wasting time so gloriously by writing a blog. Second year Japanese at SOAS includes a wonderful test of super shiny joy in last January, early February which will determine which university we get to go to for our year out next year. This is an issue. Why, you might ask? Well, because the people who are best in the year get first choice and so on. Ah, but surely, all one has to do is study, no?
Ha. Let me explain. Most of us second years have actually been at SOAS for a full year already, having only started learning Japanese when we started at SOAS. Then, there are those of us who joined SOAS as freshers this year, but studied Japanese at GCSE level and A level. This means they are Too Good For First Year, and got to join us in the big, growned up peoples class. It also means they are better than this. 'But how can this be?' I hear you ask. Or would. If you had accounts. And commented. Yeah... *feels crushingly lonely for a moment* moving on!
So to explain/rationalise to myself and others how we are working horrifically hard and managing to pass and the new intakes are getting constant 80% marks, I came up with this little analogy. There is a type of wine which exists in Taiwan, and probably other parts of Asia. It is rice wine, but not just any rice wine. In it, you put a sour plum which after a little while flavours the whole wine. Now, the new intake students are a jug of rice wine to which the plum was added over half an hour before the meal. Now, the wine is all nicely flavoured and would get 'thumbs up' from the judges. The rest of us are jugs of rice wine that have just been put on the table, and as people sat down, the plum was added. There are bits of the wine that taste vaguely like plum. There is one bit that tastes horrifically of sourness and plum (that would be the plum) but most of it has a vague hint of a promise of future-plum. That's us. Plain, boring rice wine. The plus to this analogy is that both studying Japanese and being full of rice wine make you so brain dead you can't even think straight about thinking straight. The downside to this analogy is that it's very long, complex and makes me want rice wine (Japanese version is called sake, pronounced sah-kay)
In further news, I was 'accused' of making a ;S face today. Being me, of course, I went 'huh?' Only to realise I was making it again. Yes, this face is possible in real life. Try it. Right now. One eye, preferably the right closes slightly, in confusion. Raising eyebrows may help with this. Mouth twists. Full S is not possible without intervention of the fingers. Head tips to the right for maximum effect. And I really hope that this will spread across the land and all will come to know and recognise the ';S' face. Then my joy would be complete.
Thursday 20 January 2011
Future-Me Needs To Remember Why Jesus Is Awesome
Hello again future-me! *grins happily at mental image of imaginary happy future-me* I have slept! And finished chocolate trifle! It was very good. A lot better than some trifles we have had. We really need to get over the 'I don't like trifle' thing. It's like the 'I don't like bananas' thing, we've believed it for so long, but now that we've actually eaten a banana/trifle for the first time in over ten years, we've discovered we do like them and this is throwing us into a state of existential crisis (be warned, future-me, I tend to get an existential crisis at least once per day. This is something you will discover as you recover from the terrible accident which has given you temporary amnesia). Anyways, this was not meant to be a post about trifle, or bananas. Even though triple chocolate trifle is really, really good.
It's about something more important. Jesus. Now, future-me, listen up, this is really, very important. You are a Christian. If you have forgotten this, you need to remember, because it makes your life so much more awesome. Other people might not believe this, and lacking my memories of the awesomeness being a Christian has given my life, you may not understand. So this is for you, so you can understand, and help others to understand just why being a Christian is an integral and awesome part to your life.
Now, we could kick off with the bit about how Jesus is the King of Kings, and the Bible tells us that we are heirs with him or something, which makes me a princess and insta-fulfils all my childhood dreams about being a disney princess, but that's not really what's pressing on my mind at the moment, so here goes.
Cake. We like cake. In fact, we love cake. Cake is glorious, Cake is filled with all the things that make life worth living. Cake is even better than trifle. Though not as good as Errol Flynn. Now, I don't want to turn this blog into a 'YAY BIBLE STUFF' cos I can do that other places, and this is meant to be a 'YAY RANDOM STUFF' place, but meh, you need to get this, future-me. Book called Mark, in the Bible. Look it up. Can't remember where, about chapter 7, possibly 8 (chapters are the bits with the big numbers next to them) There's a bit earlier as well. I would look these up, but you're a big girl and I don't want to tidy my entire room to find where I last dropped my Bible. It's probably in my bed, under my anime plushies. There's this story, where Jesus gets this huge crowd, and they're all listening to him, and are so interested, they forget to eat. Happens to the best of us (ie me) all the time, but Jesus, being the nice person he is, feels sorry for them. He proceeds to do the best thing ever (except, of course, That Thing With the Cross, and the walking on water, because man, they were both EPIC, though the first one more of a sad-but-epic, of course...back to the cake thing!)
So yeah! He asks what anyone has in the way of food, and out of the whole crowd, there's not much. They weren't expecting to find him interesting enough to listen to through lunch time and dinner time. First crowd - 5000 men, not including women and children, one little boy with five loaves of bread and two little fish. Second crowd - 4000, again I'm guessing not including women and children, what with this being a long time ago, and the women's rights thing not having kicked off, so no-one would think to count the women. The kids were probably running around too much to be counted properly. The 4000 also only managed to produce a little bit of bread and fish (yeah, I forget the amount. You want to know, future-me? Why are you not looking this up? You're going to take what I say for granted? Bah.)
Here's the awesome bit. Jesus turns that tiny bit of bread and fish into enough, not just for everyone who's there to have a good meal, but enough for them to be able to take home goodie bags! (Bible doesn't say what happened to the 12 baskets, and 7 baskets, but I like to think it was goodie bags. Like the best, most magical party ever. What? I don't like the rubbish plastic toys from most parties, but LOVE fish sandwiches. Don't judge me)
Ok, future-me, as it took a friend pointing this out to me to get this, I won't be surprised if you're not that impressed, even with the unlimited fish sandwiches thing. Here you go.
This means that Jesus can create unlimited cake. Whenever He wants to.
Now, you may be wondering 'but why would He want to?' Well, why would He create cake in the first place unless He understood its awesome potential? The fish and bread thing was because He is a responsible adult, and wanted to give people a proper dinner. Cake doesn't count to a responsible adult. Also, because they didn't really have cake then, and all the little boy had was fish and bread, but still, future thinking! He's already shown he has no aversion to making sure parties go well! (Look up the bit about the wedding at Canaan when he created wine, the best wine ever, out of water, so the party would keep going.) He's not just about the miracles of need, but also the partying. And this makes him awesome.
Future-me, when people ask why you are a Christian, and why you think it is an awesome and integral part of your life, when it just means rules and 'can't do this, or that' and guilt and recrimination, first ask if they've read the Bible, because I don't see any of that in the bits about how to be a Christian. Then, if they still look confused, stare them directly in the eye and ask seriously. "Who else in the multi-verse would be able to, and probably willing to create unlimited cake, and maybe even some complimentary dessert wine?" BAM! You have won the argument.
In other news, the stuff I ordered with my Christmas Amazon Gift Voucher has started to arrive. This means I have Final Fantasy III and Final Fantasy: Chocobo Tales. Ordering Nintendo DS games shortly before a big TEST OF DOOM was probably not one of my brighter ideas. The Final Fantasy thing is probably something for another post though. This one's too long already...
Oh yeah, and just because I mentioned earlier how cake is less awesome than Errol Flynn, Jesus MADE Errol Flynn, just like he made cake. So Jesus is more awesome even that Errol Flynn. And the daily 'Thank you for cake' prayer is now the daily 'Thank you for cake and Errol Flynn' prayer. Because those two things, and Jesus, make my life worth living.
I now feel very embarrassed for making a 'religiousy' post, which felt when I started a lot more like it would be an 'I like cake' post. So I will end. Here.
It's about something more important. Jesus. Now, future-me, listen up, this is really, very important. You are a Christian. If you have forgotten this, you need to remember, because it makes your life so much more awesome. Other people might not believe this, and lacking my memories of the awesomeness being a Christian has given my life, you may not understand. So this is for you, so you can understand, and help others to understand just why being a Christian is an integral and awesome part to your life.
Now, we could kick off with the bit about how Jesus is the King of Kings, and the Bible tells us that we are heirs with him or something, which makes me a princess and insta-fulfils all my childhood dreams about being a disney princess, but that's not really what's pressing on my mind at the moment, so here goes.
Cake. We like cake. In fact, we love cake. Cake is glorious, Cake is filled with all the things that make life worth living. Cake is even better than trifle. Though not as good as Errol Flynn. Now, I don't want to turn this blog into a 'YAY BIBLE STUFF' cos I can do that other places, and this is meant to be a 'YAY RANDOM STUFF' place, but meh, you need to get this, future-me. Book called Mark, in the Bible. Look it up. Can't remember where, about chapter 7, possibly 8 (chapters are the bits with the big numbers next to them) There's a bit earlier as well. I would look these up, but you're a big girl and I don't want to tidy my entire room to find where I last dropped my Bible. It's probably in my bed, under my anime plushies. There's this story, where Jesus gets this huge crowd, and they're all listening to him, and are so interested, they forget to eat. Happens to the best of us (ie me) all the time, but Jesus, being the nice person he is, feels sorry for them. He proceeds to do the best thing ever (except, of course, That Thing With the Cross, and the walking on water, because man, they were both EPIC, though the first one more of a sad-but-epic, of course...back to the cake thing!)
So yeah! He asks what anyone has in the way of food, and out of the whole crowd, there's not much. They weren't expecting to find him interesting enough to listen to through lunch time and dinner time. First crowd - 5000 men, not including women and children, one little boy with five loaves of bread and two little fish. Second crowd - 4000, again I'm guessing not including women and children, what with this being a long time ago, and the women's rights thing not having kicked off, so no-one would think to count the women. The kids were probably running around too much to be counted properly. The 4000 also only managed to produce a little bit of bread and fish (yeah, I forget the amount. You want to know, future-me? Why are you not looking this up? You're going to take what I say for granted? Bah.)
Here's the awesome bit. Jesus turns that tiny bit of bread and fish into enough, not just for everyone who's there to have a good meal, but enough for them to be able to take home goodie bags! (Bible doesn't say what happened to the 12 baskets, and 7 baskets, but I like to think it was goodie bags. Like the best, most magical party ever. What? I don't like the rubbish plastic toys from most parties, but LOVE fish sandwiches. Don't judge me)
Ok, future-me, as it took a friend pointing this out to me to get this, I won't be surprised if you're not that impressed, even with the unlimited fish sandwiches thing. Here you go.
This means that Jesus can create unlimited cake. Whenever He wants to.
Now, you may be wondering 'but why would He want to?' Well, why would He create cake in the first place unless He understood its awesome potential? The fish and bread thing was because He is a responsible adult, and wanted to give people a proper dinner. Cake doesn't count to a responsible adult. Also, because they didn't really have cake then, and all the little boy had was fish and bread, but still, future thinking! He's already shown he has no aversion to making sure parties go well! (Look up the bit about the wedding at Canaan when he created wine, the best wine ever, out of water, so the party would keep going.) He's not just about the miracles of need, but also the partying. And this makes him awesome.
Future-me, when people ask why you are a Christian, and why you think it is an awesome and integral part of your life, when it just means rules and 'can't do this, or that' and guilt and recrimination, first ask if they've read the Bible, because I don't see any of that in the bits about how to be a Christian. Then, if they still look confused, stare them directly in the eye and ask seriously. "Who else in the multi-verse would be able to, and probably willing to create unlimited cake, and maybe even some complimentary dessert wine?" BAM! You have won the argument.
In other news, the stuff I ordered with my Christmas Amazon Gift Voucher has started to arrive. This means I have Final Fantasy III and Final Fantasy: Chocobo Tales. Ordering Nintendo DS games shortly before a big TEST OF DOOM was probably not one of my brighter ideas. The Final Fantasy thing is probably something for another post though. This one's too long already...
Oh yeah, and just because I mentioned earlier how cake is less awesome than Errol Flynn, Jesus MADE Errol Flynn, just like he made cake. So Jesus is more awesome even that Errol Flynn. And the daily 'Thank you for cake' prayer is now the daily 'Thank you for cake and Errol Flynn' prayer. Because those two things, and Jesus, make my life worth living.
I now feel very embarrassed for making a 'religiousy' post, which felt when I started a lot more like it would be an 'I like cake' post. So I will end. Here.
First Ever Blog!
So, new account, new blog (can it really be called 'new' if I've never had one? hmmm) Not even really sure why I created this. I've been reading blogs all day which are amazingly well known, and have loads of subscribers. But they're funny. I only seem to be funny to myself. So maybe I'm writing this to entertain future-me... Or maybe I'm doing it because in 15 hours I have an essay due, three thousand words long, which I haven't started. Ah, glorious, glorious procrastination. Maybe I'm doing this to help future-me procrastinate by reading over old blogs and being appalled at how fail-y I am/was. I like future-me. I don't think future-me likes me. I don't really like past-me though, so it all evens out. I tend to feel like past-me is that slightly irritating friend/relative at reunions. You have to acknowledge them. But you wish they'd hang out with someone else. Anyone else. Or you might just punch them in the face.
I don't think present-me, past-me and future-me should ever, ever meet. Present me would hang around future-me like a lovesick puppy, trying to kick off the annoying clinging past-me until we both annoyed future-me enough for her to start trying to stab present-me and past-me in the face. And that can't end well. Although, being presented with two past-me's I would probably do the same, so fair play to her. (yes, there is not supposed to be an apostrophe there, future-me. But 'mes' looks weird. Deal with it.)
So why else did I start this? Oh yes. You know those days when it's like your own personal backing track of AWESOME is playing? And everywhere you go you feel epic? I had one of those days today. And I wasn't even wearing my Dark Overlord Boots. Future-me, you need to know this, if you've had a terrible accident and forgotten most of your past, yet somehow stumbled upon this blog. Probably because I never close any interesting looking tab, and leave most of my things signed in (we have a culture of TRUST in this studenty house. I think they fear my terrible, terrible retribution if a frape/blape(?) war were to begin. Oh yes. It would be terrible) Where was I? Oh yes. Future-me, you have a Dark Overlord Coat. It is black, looks like an army trenchcoat and has brass buttons. It swishes gloriously. You have Dark Overlord Boots. They are black, kneelength and zip up the side. The laces are pretty but mainly useless. You do not yet have the Dark Overlord Throne Room, Dark Overlord Minions, or Dark Overlord Diadem, but you will, oh yes. You will.
So yes, glorious day, I got to push open double doors and stalk through them. The Dark Overlord Coat did not catch on the doors, but flared/swished gloriously. The soundtrack of AWESOME was playing. Nothing could go wrong. Then, having got home and sat on the sofa being all like 'woo! I'm awesome!', I remembered I had no minions. Or throne room. Or diadem. The crazed manical laughter catches in my throat. Noooooo!
Too late. The moment is gone. So I status it on Facebook. That's not enough. My mind turns to blogs and how I had never been able to think of something interesting to start one off. I realise I don't care if noone but me reads it. I find me funny, and I will become Dark Overlord one day! Even if only on the internet. Cos that's just as cool as in real life. BAMF! New blog! With a slightly less emo/gothgirl username than most of the ones I created when I was midteens. But that particular 'WHY I HATE TWILIGHT FOR STEALING MY COOL(except not) USERNAME AND MAKING ME SOUND LIKE A PATHETIC SPARKLY FAKE VAMPIRE FANGIRL' rant can be saved for another time. When I'm not hyper. Or possibly mildly drunk. I'm still not convinced this juice hasn't started to ferment. It would explain so much right now.
So yes. This blog is born out of attempting to procrastinate, helping future-me procrastinate, and to entertain future-me (HI! YOU'RE AWESOME! CAN WE BE FRIENDS???) the belief that one day I will become a Dark Overlord on the internet, and to express my soul-deep anguish at not yet being a Dark Overlord. Such glorious beginnings! What could posibly go wrong! >.<
I don't think present-me, past-me and future-me should ever, ever meet. Present me would hang around future-me like a lovesick puppy, trying to kick off the annoying clinging past-me until we both annoyed future-me enough for her to start trying to stab present-me and past-me in the face. And that can't end well. Although, being presented with two past-me's I would probably do the same, so fair play to her. (yes, there is not supposed to be an apostrophe there, future-me. But 'mes' looks weird. Deal with it.)
So why else did I start this? Oh yes. You know those days when it's like your own personal backing track of AWESOME is playing? And everywhere you go you feel epic? I had one of those days today. And I wasn't even wearing my Dark Overlord Boots. Future-me, you need to know this, if you've had a terrible accident and forgotten most of your past, yet somehow stumbled upon this blog. Probably because I never close any interesting looking tab, and leave most of my things signed in (we have a culture of TRUST in this studenty house. I think they fear my terrible, terrible retribution if a frape/blape(?) war were to begin. Oh yes. It would be terrible) Where was I? Oh yes. Future-me, you have a Dark Overlord Coat. It is black, looks like an army trenchcoat and has brass buttons. It swishes gloriously. You have Dark Overlord Boots. They are black, kneelength and zip up the side. The laces are pretty but mainly useless. You do not yet have the Dark Overlord Throne Room, Dark Overlord Minions, or Dark Overlord Diadem, but you will, oh yes. You will.
So yes, glorious day, I got to push open double doors and stalk through them. The Dark Overlord Coat did not catch on the doors, but flared/swished gloriously. The soundtrack of AWESOME was playing. Nothing could go wrong. Then, having got home and sat on the sofa being all like 'woo! I'm awesome!', I remembered I had no minions. Or throne room. Or diadem. The crazed manical laughter catches in my throat. Noooooo!
Too late. The moment is gone. So I status it on Facebook. That's not enough. My mind turns to blogs and how I had never been able to think of something interesting to start one off. I realise I don't care if noone but me reads it. I find me funny, and I will become Dark Overlord one day! Even if only on the internet. Cos that's just as cool as in real life. BAMF! New blog! With a slightly less emo/gothgirl username than most of the ones I created when I was midteens. But that particular 'WHY I HATE TWILIGHT FOR STEALING MY COOL(except not) USERNAME AND MAKING ME SOUND LIKE A PATHETIC SPARKLY FAKE VAMPIRE FANGIRL' rant can be saved for another time. When I'm not hyper. Or possibly mildly drunk. I'm still not convinced this juice hasn't started to ferment. It would explain so much right now.
So yes. This blog is born out of attempting to procrastinate, helping future-me procrastinate, and to entertain future-me (HI! YOU'RE AWESOME! CAN WE BE FRIENDS???) the belief that one day I will become a Dark Overlord on the internet, and to express my soul-deep anguish at not yet being a Dark Overlord. Such glorious beginnings! What could posibly go wrong! >.<
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