Unemployment: The Treaclesphere

Looking for a job feels like moving through treacle. But this is no everyday, run of the mill, up to the knees treacle. Oh no, this is treacle of such volume that you are swimming in the stuff. You are deep under water... under treacle. Whatever. You can't even tell which way is up anymore. You might be swimming further down. 'Oh no' I hear you cry. 'None of the treacle got in my hair did it?' My dear, there is treacle everywhere. Everywhere. So when you do make your way to the surface, a horrific treacle monster, arising for the deep, drawn up by the clarion cry of 'We would like to interview you...' you reach out a treacle covered hand for them to shake, look deep in their eyes and you see their treaclephobia. Their hatred or disregard of the entreacled. You see a thousand echoes of 'Well I was never entreacled. They should have tried harder' and you know they have forgotten. They were once one of the treacle sisterhood. They all were. No matter how hard they try to hide it.

And people throw you ropes. But some of the ropes are also made of treacle and as they melt into the waves you hear them whisper 'unpaid internship' 'do it for the experience' 'maybe if you changed the font on your CV...' The recently escaped from the treacle, and some who still understand are helpful, but they are on tiny islands in the treacle quagmire and have no room for you, they hold you above the surface and let you breath for a bit, but you are terrified of dragging them back in and eventually have to dive back in.

Sometimes you hear people from the distant islands of the safely employed muttering about how much they love treacle and they wish they had more time to indulge and that those still in it are lucky and can do everything they want. But you don't hear it for long, because you are suddenly attacked by the treacle sharks and have to fend them off with treacley hands

And sometimes you meet fellow inmates of the treaclesphere and you hold on to each other and help each other move through the sticky murky gloop but one by one they find their own islands and you are left there, still wondering if there is an island for you in the world, or if treacle is your future and maybe you should just accept that and give up now...

And all you can dream about is getting the most dull, filing, data entry job that will mean showering off the treacle and being free to move again and- OH NO! THE TREACLE SQUID HAS AWOKEN! IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME, SAVE YOURSELVES!